tonight i’m gonna be you’re motivation.
work gay: you should probably stop what you’re doing and google image search sonny bill williams
me: sweet jesus. happy birthday to ME
work gay: you’re welcome. I’m leaving him up in my browser and I click back to him when I need motivation.
googling this was my best decision of monday.
i’m gonna sleep well now.
i can’t believe i have to leave this town. i was just getting comfortable and getting to a place where i was ready to start taking care of myself.
now i feel like i’m being forced to start all over and going to be put in a place that’s going to be uncomfortable and trying.
expectations don’t exist and hope is just barely starting to peek it’s way through. i need a little bit more. i need a lot more.
I’m somewhere in between… somewhere that is not the place you may want me to be, where you can nod your head, where it all makes sense and fits perfectly in your little box. You know the one, the box that you have labeled and sits next to the others in front of you, making you feel warm and secure, like you understand everything. I’m not light, I am not darkness, I am paving my path the best I can and I am, human. I make messes. Really big catastrophic ones. I wipe out cities with a slight of hand. With these same hands I build, I restore, I reconstruct. I fortify myself and give as I can, it is in my blood to give… It has not been natural to love myself, it has not come easy to give to me, but I am learning. … I am learning to listen, and to obey, even when it seems I am trampling undeserving bystanders to follow, please don’t forget my humanity. I ask for grace. I offer compassion as best I know how, I know now, because it is what I most need. All I want, what we all need, is just permission to be… and someone to love us as we are (as we become).But first, we must give to ourselves. In that we accept that we are never fully light, and we hold back the dark, fully content and truly free.
renee yohe always knows what i’m thinking.
I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want a steady hand, a kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe.
A girl asked me this during Q&A at the end of last night’s event at St. Louis University.
People often ask if i’ve struggled with any of the issues that TWLOHA deals with (depression, addiction, self-injury, suicide). i have no problem admitting that i am a person who struggles with depression….
